Real Men Wear Speedos

Speedo.  The word alone makes the average American man blush.  But why as a society do we fear those little pieces of Spandex when other cultures (primarily European and African) proudly sport these suits?

In lieu of the warm weather, I am proposing a new outlook for Summer 2010: THE SPEEDO.  Come on guys, grow a pair and let them hang out.  Not convinced?  Here are some benefits to wearing a S-Suit:

  • Speedos allow you to show off the body you’ve worked so hard on at the gym.  Are you packing on a few extra LBs in the stomach/thigh area?  Although I am not typically an advocate for “letting oneself go”, don’t let the excess weight hold you back.  Self-confidence is what wins over the ladies.
  • Speedos are much more sporty than board shorts.  If you are swimming for exercise or competition, obviously these tight-fitting briefs will allow for optimal performance.  Even if you fail to excel competitively in the water, why wouldn’t you rock the jock to look like one?
  • I can only imagine that Speedos are more comfortable than other swimming options.  You won’t be weighed down in the water with your baggy shorts.  You don’t have to pull down a Speedo in the midst of water skiing/boarding, and once on land they won’t bunch up between your thighs as you walk around.  Perfecto!
  • Speedos dry faster.  You probably shouldn’t condemn your men to dark, damp places-it seems cold, unnatural, and a breeding ground for shrinkage.  Instead try a light, dry sac for those guys.  God did.
  • Although I don’t promote tanning and skin cancer, I must admit that the majority of the population looks better slightly bronzed.  What doesn’t look hot: ugly white tan lines on hair thighs.  Barf.  Speedos will definitely help eliminate this problem.
  • Lastly, let’s not neglect the fact that men love looking at attractive women  in tight clothes.  As a result, we slim down and shimmy into bearly-there bikinis…who let you fools off the hook?  You already don’t have to bear and milk the children, so I say the least you can do is empathize with our body issues by wearing something lady-sized.

Don’t be a schmuck.  Real men wear speedos, so should you.

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